Good things don't always come in small packages...

I have to start off by saying that Christmas was absolutely AMAZING! My heart was literally brimming with joy this year - Not only was our family complete with our two happy, beautiful boys, but we had unbelievable people dedicated to making our Christmas unforgettable...and it was just that. Once again, we will never be able to truly thank all of these wonderful people that made this Christmas so unforgettable and stress free. I feel the love that is given to us on a daily basis, some by even complete strangers. This is truly what is giving us the strength to handle all that we've been dealt this year. We've had a relaxing Christmas season, so far, and are ready to ring in the new year, leaving the year 2012 behind. A magical little boy entered our lives in June of this year, but not far behind was our first special boy about to start the fight of his life. In 2013, we will celebrate our first year with our wee one, as well as our special K's unrelentless vigor and courage.

Keian was so excited for Christmas Eve to come - it actually reminded me a bit of those movies you see where the kids keep repeating "Are we there yet?!". When we were little, both Ryan's and my family did some special little things that we chose to continue with our own. When Ryan was growing up, his family use to drive around to look at the Christmas light displays on Christmas Eve - this is something we created to be a Blundell family tradition beginning last year. My favourite thing ever when I was Keian's age, and well to be honest, well into my adulthood, was that I was always allowed to open 1 present on Christmas Eve. It was always the same thing - Pajamas! Beginning on Keian's first Christmas, he has sat in front of the tree and ripped open a present containing...yes, you guessed it, Pajamas! This has since become one of Keian's favourite traditions!

After baking cookies for Santa and tucking the boys in for the night, we awaited for Santa's arrival - he must have had his elves working night and day. Santa must have also known that Keian has his own "team" that stands strong behind him!

Christmas morning wasn't quite what I expected it to be. I expected Keian to be jumping up and down screaming in excitement. Though he was ridiculously excited when he walked out of the bedroom and saw that Santa had come, he was more concerned that everyone else got their presents first. And yet another reason he reminds me of myself - though I always loved Christmas and honestly the gifts that came along with it (what kid doesn't), I got so much enjoyment out of watching others open their presents first. Keian kept saying "I'm so excited to see you open your presents!!"

The meaning of Christmas and the memories from this year will remain in our hearts forever. I can't believe how lucky I am to have 2 amazing, strong, beautiful, crazy boys to call my own. They both help me to strive to be the best mother I can be

We were also able to take a bit of a break from treatment, as our first appointment at the hospital following Christmas was yesterday. Relaxing was quite easy, as Keian's energy seems to have gone missing. Lots of cuddles, which I certainly never complain about. Though this Dexamethasone is definately doing it's job, it's doing numbers on my little boy. His mood is unbearable at times, his appetite is through the roof and then some (this is a good thing, as it helps him to gather strength), his skin is like leather on his feet and the swelling in his torso and classic 'moon' face have appeared rather quickly. It's hard to wrap my head around the drastic difference a short month can bring. He has recently been starting to complain about the pain he's feeling from the tummy distention.

A lumbar puncture was redone and his CSF came back clear again! Yay! It was an unexpected long day yesterday, as his HGB was low and required a transfusion - tag another 4 hours onto the already long treatment day and you have one very bored boy. He returns next Friday for the last chemo treatment and lumbar puncture for this re-induction phase. It's hightly likely that he will need another transfusion -platelets (which help with blood clotting). He's been getting alot of nosebleeds, which is one of the few signs to watch for. He will also be getting a repeat bone marrow biopsy to ensure that things have remained in remission within his marrow. He has also been complaining that his throat burns when he drinks certain things - namely orange juice. We've also noticed he has started to develop sores on the insides of his cheeks. Mucositis, the Oncologist tells us. Although the two sores present in his mouth that are visible look as though they are healing, this won't be the end. Nearly every treatment Keian will receive in the next 2 months will lead to increasing sores, in count, as well as severity.

He's gained close to another 5 pounds this week, surpassing my 10 lb gain goal I had hoped for (now, it's time to up that goal to 15! - seems weird working so hard to get him to gain weight, when I've attempted to take weight off myself throughout my entire life)

We've yet to have anything set in stone, but we now have a tentative plan for the 2 months following up to transplant. Beginning as soon as next Tuesday, we will be admitted for the first of our 5 day hospital stay. He will have two consecutive consolidation phases, which is to make sure that the remission is consolidated and that he remains in remission prior to transplant. Each phase is 3 weeks, but if his blood counts are not at the required level, that will be delayed. The first 5 days of each cycle will be spent in hospital, due to the potency of the chemo. During these 2 cycles, Keian will be undergoing brain radiation, to attempt to kill the remaining leukemia cells that may be hiding in his CSF - unfortunately, due to his early relapse, he will require a larger dose than originally anticipated. He will also require surgery to remove his VAD and replace it with a different type of central line that will allow the numerous medications required during transplant. He will then be admitted a week prior in order to receive full body radiation and administer drugs to entirely strip him of his current immune system - this will be done in the hopes that it will prevent his body from rejecting the new cells. When Keian is ready to receive the cells, Joren will be admitted to the hospital and will undergo bone marrow retrieval - he will be going under general anaesthetic and will stay one night in hospital. His Oncologist assures us that she will try her best to get Joren a room in transplant isolation, so that we will be able to be with both of our boys. They tell us Keian's hospital stay will be a miniumum of 5 weeks - but nearly all transplant patients will need to be treated for atleast 1 serious infection during their stay (which would extend his stay) We are to be expected to be in hospital for approximately 2 months,but have been told to not expect anything with regards to our length of stay. Luckily, they do have a trailer on site, that we will hopefully be able to gain access to for the first 30 days, so that both of us, as well as Joren will be able to be close. Things are definately moving much faster than I expected, as Keian could be receiving his new cells as soon as the first couple weeks of March.

With 2012 coming to an end, we received our final less than favourable news. Keian has developed Peripheral Neuropathy - a direct side effect of Vincristine. He has decreased reflexes, decreased strength, muscle atrophy (wasting of muscle) and foot drop. Most of the time these effects are temporary, but once they come to head, they will take a long time to subside. He's been complaining of leg and foot pain, which is now explained by this diagnosis. I've been massaging his legs daily for the last couple of weeks, but now that I know what we're dealing with, I've started some strenthening and stretching routines with him until Physiotherapy sets a plan for his treatment. It's times like these that we have to try to remember - Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength"

"When life knocks you down, you have 2 choices. To use the little strength you have left to fight your way back up, not knowing when or why you could be knocked back down again, or just stay down. I guess that is why we call it courage, the courage to stand back up when life gives you hundreds of reasons to stay down"

Merry Christmas! Yes, you could say that!

The last couple days have definately been challenging. The drugs have been affecting his mood quite drastic. He has been very angry, constantly complaining, or crying about things he wouldn't have ever given a second thought to. Though this is one of the side effects and we have seen levels of this reaction in the past, this is definately not as we were expecting. Our little guy is still there and he definately shows heart and love, even though he's having a difficult time handling all of this. I'm so very lucky that he still loves his cuddles - it's definately alot harder holding him 'like a baby' with this weight gain this past week! Yes, this is one of the very best things with this Dex - his increased appetite. This last 4 days all he talks about is food - one day he wanted a hot dog so badly that he cried throughout the day - "this is the worst day of my life!" And yes, he said this because we said he had to wait until the next day to have another hot dog. I'm over the moon happy to announce that he has gained close to 7 lbs this last week!

Last night wasn't very kind to our boy. When he was washing up for bed, he kept complaining that his leg was sore. When I put him to bed, he asked for me to prop it on a pillow and kept moaning. He woke up at 2:30, while not only in pain, he was incredibly emotional and moody all at once - this is extremely hard to see. Unfortunately, the few hours of rest that he got didn't seem to help, as he woke up crying saying it hurt to even walk. Our dilemma is that we aren't able to give him Tylenol, as it masks a fever and we're not able to give him Advil, as it affects his platelets. When he was initially diagnosed back in July, he was on Prednisone, which did give him some joint pain, but since Dexamethasone is much more potent, it's seemingly affecting his bones and joints to a more extreme level.

Though today started off rough for all of us, by mid morning the day started to take a turn for the better. Keian's sailed through his lumbar puncture and handled his treatment like the champ that he is. Today, he had 3 chemotherapy drugs administered intrathecally during his LP. He also had 2 administed through IV and 2 administered orally. He's been quite tired most of the week, but he hasn't been nauseated once. His counts are still critical, which limits alot of what we can do. The good thing is that with Christmas coming, he prefers to stay close to home!

Back in November, Keian spent some time with a good friend of ours and as they were talking about his hospital stay, he mentioned to her that he felt bad for all the kids that had to stay in the hospital for Christmas and wouldn't be able to be at home with their family and said he wished he could do something for them - combine a little boys wish, with a beautiful, giving photographer and her amazing clients and you have alot of happiness all around. After Keian's treatment, he left with a wagon that was filled to the brim with gifts for, in his own words, "kids that are going through just what I am" and headed up to the Oncology ward. He was soooo proud, but we were the ones beaming with pride. He kept repeating; "I feel so happy that I'm doing this, I just know that the kids are going to have huge smiles on their faces. I'm so happy!". I have always felt the true meaning of Christmas, but today, my own little boy made by heart grow more than I knew possible. This is what Christmas is all about.

Well, though it may not seem possible after he helped Santa in a big way, our day did get better again - much better infact! Once a lumbar puncture has been done, it is sent to lab, where they do a smear to conduct their initial assessment of the spinal fluid. It is here where they are able to see the leukemia cells. Once the smear is examined, they must delve further to determine which cells are "normal" and which are blasts (leukemia cells). After reaching a final count, results are forwarded to his Oncologist, who then conveys that result to us.

Our phone rang and of course we were on the edge of our seat..."Keian is all clear, he is in remission again! Merry Christmas!" Yes, you heard me right...our boy has fought his way through not one, but two Leukemia attacks on his body! This will not change his course of treatment or the necessary transplant, but what this does mean is that his body is still very sensitive to the chemo, which is the best news EVER! The very best Christmas gift that we could ever receive! I have always known that we have raised a beautiful, strong, amazing little boy, but he continues to find ways to make me fall more in love with him on a daily basis.

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles" - you my beautiful Keian are just that, my hero. Keian, my son, always remember - What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. You inspire me every second of every day. I love you!

Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.

Keian has been on Dexamethasone for 10 days now - this is a steroid similar to Prednisone, only approx 6 times more potent. There are definately a couple great things that come with this, but the one we've been having a little difficulty in finding a balance with has been the mood and personality changes that have come along with it. One second our little man is jumping on my lap, cuddling and talking sweet and the next second he is getting angry and yelling. This is to be expected, but was no where near to this extent with prednisone. It's hard to find a middle ground in order to be a parent, while trying to remain understanding as to why these changes have came to fruition - on one hand, you want him to know that this behavior isn't acceptable, and on the other hand, this drug is causing him to be this way. Now, the absolutely amazing thing that comes with this drug is his appetite and WHOA, has it come back with a vengeance! He has gained nearly 3 kg in 10 days and is showing the bulk accumulate in his cheeks and belly. This is our opportunity to feed him as much as he'd like, as it will help him to gain strength and allow his body to get ready for the rigorous treatment to come!

He's back to having daily naps, as his body is seemingly extremely tired. He's always been great at going to sleep, but now he's actually begging to go to bed. Tonight, we set him up in our bed to watch a movie on his DVD player, so he could watch Megamind for the 100th time!

Keian's blood counts are currently at critical level once again, but are being masked by the effects of the steroid. With that comes alot of home bound activities - we've been trying to get him out a bit, by driving around to christmas light displays and areas we know that go all out for the holiday season.

This weekend has also proven the power of one special little boy. How he can increase hope, bring joy, encourage smiles and build new friendships. We have been given unconditional love, compassion and dedication - because of this, we can begin our week with a new strength that has risen to the surface. To all of you beautiful women and men that have done this for us, I will never truly be able to thank you enough. We have our strength continuously renewed because of you!

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell"

~Chantal

Heavy on the heart...

Heading into the 2nd weekend after being told Keian has relapsed brings on even more emotion. Some of this emotion has brought me to my knees throughout this week, and some has lifted my spirits.

Keian has been extremely tired this week and I've been noticing he has a similar appearance to when he was first diagnosed during his inital week of chemo- his eyes appear slightly sunken and their colour has seemed to take on a darker hue. He has been spending our outings sitting in grocery carts with his head resting on a blanket and he has been asking for us to carry him alot. Even tonight, he said that his back hurt too much to walk to the bathroom without help.

He's been asking alot more questions this week about his illness and hospital stays. I think that with all of this, he dislikes being away from home the most - that would explain the fact that he's been wanting to stay close all week. As we cuddled before bed one night, he told me "I don't like being sick, but I'm really excited!". I asked him why and he responded with "Because when Joren helps me, I'm gonna be all better and then you'll have back the old me!". It's times like these that just rip me to shreds. I'm trying to be the most positive I can possibly be for him, but many times that negative is just creeping around the corner waiting to pounce. Right now, I have to focus on just that...the right now. If I start thinking about the what if's or the possibilities or complications then I can't be the strength that he needs to get him through.

Today was an early day at the clinic - his first triple intrathecal chemo since relapse and day 8 of the re-induction protocol. Goal=get him into remission during the first 30 days of re-induction.

Our news of the day - Results came back on Keian's MRD test (Minimal Residual Disease). This was to determine if he had an isolated CNS relapse or if this included the bone marrow. He was negative for the bone marrow relapse! In order to be considered a positive, you would have above 5% blasts (leukemia cells) - Keian was sitting at 1-2%. What the MRD determines is the cellular level of these blasts that are seen. After reaching remission in August, his MRD level was sitting at .08, which moved him into the "intermediate risk" category. His MRD results this time, were sitting at .6, so it has increased. Likely, he was on his way to a full relapse in the bone marrow as well, but it was caught before that came to fruition. This means that he will fall into the 45-50% category for him to achieve remission and for it to stay there. Albiet not perfect, it is a far cry from the 15-20% that it would have been if bone marrow relapse was involved. Last week the leukemia counts in his CNS were nearly 300. After just receiving a call from his Oncologist, we were informed his counts from today's lumbar puncture revealed that he is sitting at about 1 in the smear! Likely that means his total count would be close to about 10. In one week, the number has gone from nearly 300 to 10! She did tell me that they weren't expecting it to happen that quickly. He is not in remission...yet, but she seems quite hopeful that he will achieve that within a couple of weeks. What an amazing Christmas gift that could turn out to be!!!

I keep repeating to myself that if one good thing were to come out of this, it's Joren's ability to help Keian. They've mentioned to us that there have been families of 5 or 6 that don't have a match atall. They're also hoping that Joren's healthy cells will act as a natural chemo and fight his leukemia cells. It will be a very long few months, and even longer recovery, but once again, he shows us his strength and the fight that he strives for every minute of every day. Everyone asks me "How do you do it? How do you stay so strong?". My answer would be "How do I not?" This isn't about how, it's about why. And right now, my "why" is laying snug in his bed next to me.

Gift of a lifetime...

We arrived home from our stay in the hospital on Monday evening. Keian was so incredibly depressed being in the hospital - we could barely manage to get a smile out of him. The child life department caught us just as we were walking out the door to tell us that the Canuck's were coming to visit the kids and that if we wanted to wait, Keian would have that opportunity. He wanted to go home so much, that he opted to leave then and there. He kept repeating how excited he was to come home, but his mood didn't change all that much. He's back on some steroids, all be it different ones than before - they can cause alot of mood changes. He was very happy to walk in the door and be reminded of how Christmas was coming upon us - he walked over to the tree and said "I love our tree that we decorated and I'm so excited for Christmas"

Yesterday morning when Keian woke up, you could definately tell that he wasn't feeling well. Given the option to go out somewhere, he would say "maybe later" and then ask if we could cuddle. "I love cuddling with you, it's like a nice warm hug!" I had planned on taking him to the grocery store to have him help to pick some food that he might like, as we're trying to help him gained back some weight that he's lost - he's lost 15% of his body weight since diagnosis in July. We chose Walmart, but I could see he wasn't feeling up to walking, so I took a blanket and lined the buggy for him to sit on. It broke my heart - the entire time, he had his head down. After a good night of cuddling, he woke up this morning feeling a bit better. He asked me again what it meant to have a bone marrow transplant and just as I told him before, I explained that his sick blood was in his bone marrow and that Joren loved him so much, that he was going to give him something that he has in his body that will help to fight the sick blood. A couple of months ago, we all got our bone marrow tested to find out if we were a match, as a just incase. This is no longer a "just incase", as Keian will definately require the transplant. There was a 1 in 4 chance that a sibling would be a match for Keian. Joren is our angel - he was a perfect match for his big brother. Joren will not be under any risk in donating to Keian - he will undergo general anaesthetic and get bone marrow extracted - he will be a little sore in his hips for a couple days. There is a 1 in 20,000 chance for there to be a match with an unrelated donor.

For Keian, this will be the be extremely hard on his body with everything that he is required to undergo prior to, during and after this transplant. Joren is Keian's best chance, as having a matched sibling raises his percentage of outcome.

Until this Friday when Keian goes back to receive his triple intrathecal chemo, this is all the information that we have been told.

Last night, Keian wanted to decorate our gingerbread house and today, has already asked if he can start eating it.

Through all our struggle, our family has pulled together and we are stronger than ever - standing hand in hand, refusing to allow cancer to break our hold.

<

Blind-sided...

I don't quite know how to even write this, since I haven't quite accepted what this weekend has brought upon us. We came into the cancer clinic Thursday for Keian's regular treatment and lumbar puncture. Since his counts were expected to go down over the weekend, we wanted to make sure we took advantage of the couple days we had left and took him to Bright Nights in Stanley Park. When we got home, there was a message from Keian's Oncologist saying it was urgent she speak with us. My heart sank.

Keian has relapsed - his Leukemia is no longer in remission. It has returned in his CNS. We are still waiting on the results to see if it has also relapsed in his marrow, but won't see those for another couple days. What does this mean for Keian - This time, it's different, and brings on heaps of possible complications. He will get triple intrathecal chemo and much more intensive IV and oral chemo than he originally received. After 3-4 months of this chemo (in addition to brain radiation at a higher dose than his original protocol) and reaching remission, Keian will need a bone marrow transplant. I can't quite put into words what I'm feeling right now. The Doctor tells us that if it has relapsed in his CNS only, that there is a 45-50% chance he will reach remission and stay there. If it has relapsed into his bone marrow, there is a 15-20% chance he will reach remission and stay there. He will be receiving a larger dose of brain radiation than originally anticipated, which will bring on it's own set of challenges. He will also have his entire body radiated and completely stripped of his immune system to get him ready for transplant, at which point he will be admitted into strict isolation for 2 months.

We've been in hospital since Friday morning, but hope to be going home tomorrow at some point, as it appears his kidneys are handling this dose of chemo without many problems. It's so hard being positive all the time when you're constantly being thrown to the ground, but I will get up and I will be the firm ground that Keian needs for this fight. Admittedly, I am a complete mess when I'm alone, but when I'm with my boy, I am what he needs. I always will be. I will hold his hand. I will hold him when he's sick and rub his back when he's sore. I will carry him to bed and sleep next to him when he wants me to. I will do what I need to be the Mother that he deserves and I will fight my ass off to get him through this. I think it goes without saying that I would take his place in a heart beat. He is and will always be the my very best and bravest hero. I love you forever and always, my special boy.

"Storms of life are strong enough, without cancer stepping in Came creeping through the back door, just counting on a win. Engaging you in battle, we firmly stand our ground Armed with courage, faith and hope, our child's life we surround. This fight rages day and night The will to survive is strong We will never surrender In our lives you don't belong. Prepare yourself to lose this time Our child's life you will not take"

Keep repeating - "Positivity shall prevail"

So, most of the results of what we've been waiting for have came back. When Keian got his chemo on Monday, they took a nasal swab to see what type of germs were harbouring. Blood cultures for bacteria came back negative, which means there is no internal infection! He has a bad cold, which explains the fever - he didn't have the "typical" cold symptoms, so that's why they were initially concerned. We're still waiting on the results for the blood tests done to determine the cause for the grey matter changes, but we received a call today from Keian's Neurologist to tell us that they received funding for a special genetic test that would be able to determine if Keian has a pre-disposed sensitivity to methotrexate, which is amazing!

On Saturday, prior to the whole fever happening, we went to take the boys to visit Santa - one of Keian's favourite things, though really, anything Christmas will have the word favourite in it for him! Of course, as we're always concerned about germs (Purell is our best friend and we are likely their best customer), we got up extra early, so that we could be first in line - success. This isn't the best picture quality, as I took a quick shot with by phone after picking the pictures up from Potters today.

Tomorrow, we will be starting the whole decorating process - I think we're all excited to make it truly feel like Christmas. We're already trying to compile a list of where we can go for our christmas light display drive around. Yet again something Keian just LOVES!

Touch more good news is that Keian is starting to feel a little better, but unfortunately his little brother is now suffering the brunt of it. While Daddy took Keian to his chemo yesterday, I had to stay home, which was good and bad. This was the first time ever that I have missed one of Keian's treatments, which killed me that I couldn't. Joren spent the day in my arms sleeping - trip to the Doctor for him once the boys came back from BCCH came back as a positive for the stomach flu. I think it'll be a short one for him though, as he's already starting to turn around to the happy little guy we know and love.

We were sent VIP tickets to see the Santa Claus parade downtown this Sunday, which was so amazing! We will have to be extremely careful (less busy in the area that we will be sitting in) and may need a stack of masks. We'll be sure to sit in the first row of bleachers, as if there is anyone that has a cough, they'll be behind us. Keian is so excited!

And sometimes the good must come to an end - Keian's blood work was redone on Monday. Neutrophils had crashed from 3.16 on Saturday, to .87 on Monday -nearly critical. They will continue to drop, bringing him into extremely critical. This was much earlier than anticipated, as they aren't typically expected to drop until between Day 30-40 of this phase - we are currently on day 21. So, this means that we may be in for an extra long haul of entrapment. I felt so horrible on Monday when we were told this, as we had just finished talking about how we were going to head to the yearly trip to Bright Nights in Stanley Park on Thursday (opening day). Of course, with his counts being as they are, this isn't a possibility.

Ryan and I usually take turns putting Keian to bed and tonight it was Daddy's turn. As Ryan was tucking him in, he said "Keian the brave!!". Keian responded with "Oh, stop it Daddy". Ryan then told him that we think that he should be known as Keian the brave and that both of us were so extremely proud of him with how hard he has been fighting and how he always managed to smile, no matter what. Keian's response - "I'm SOOOO excited!!!!" Daddy - "Why?!" Keian (with a typical Keian smile that he's so well known for- "Because you guys are so proud of me!" This kid just warms my heart<3

~Chantal

Holding him close

Today Keian woke up sick. Not cold sick, he just seemed off. He vomited twice in the morning and barely ate for the entire day, but insisted he was well enough to go to visit Grandma and Grandpa. After a couple of phone calls from my Mom, we soon realized it was a little more than just chemo related sickness. He was dropped back at home just after dinner and within 20 minutes, his fever had sky rocketed up to 38.6c. When a child has cancer and is undergoing chemo, having a fever is not a good thing - it could indicate internal infection, sepsis (infection in the blood), or a flu. Neither of these are good, but the flu is the lesser of the evils. As chemo patients are immuno-comprimised, they are more suseptable to viral and bacterial infections - some of which are quite serious. I'm sitting at Children's Hospital at this very minute waiting for antibiotics to enter his bloodstream. Apparently, they won't have bacterial cultures back until Monday morning, so they are giving us a 24 hour dose by IV and sending us home. There's not a lot we can do until we have the results. Some news we were definately not expecting to hear tonight from the Doctor - they detected a heart murmur. What?!?! She says it could be a murmur that was undetected,could be benign (won't cause any problems), or it could possibly be damage done to his heart from the chemo. Yet another thing to add to his little fighting body. We will be able to discuss the heart and the blood results Monday morning with his Oncologist, but until then we wait. Keian just fell asleep - he's so exhausted - atleast we have a room in Emergency. Joren is spending the night over at my Mom's, as we'll be getting home during the middle of the night. I plan on having Keian snuggled right into me tonight. I don't think I've ever appreciated my little boy more than I have this last couple of months. He is my hero. ~Chantal

Kaptain Lasers meets kindergarten

I can't believe how fast time passes. I logged on write today, and realized it's been over 2 weeks since my last update.

What has happened these past few weeks -

In the words of Keian "This was the best Halloween EVER!" I think it's the overall fact that as he is growing, he is enjoying the fact of getting candy more and more. This Halloween was actually miserable - it was a downpour and we were huddled under umbrellas as we scoured our streets. We were out for under an hour, as he did get tired quite quickly. He managed 2 streets, before he said he had had enough, which was actually a little more than I thought. It could have also been the best Halloween to him, because of what he was wearing for his costume! Our own superhero switched into the life of the one and only, Kaptain Lasers! Not one of the pictures turned out from trick-or-treating due to the weather, so it was a good thing that I took time for a little photo op before heading out.

After being stuck at home for a couple weeks, his blood counts came up enough that he was able to continue chemo, so last Tuesday, we started on the familiar trek back to Children's (Keian calls it "my hospital"). This was NOT a good day for him. He seemed to be ok until we got to the clinic. Ryan dropped Keian and I at the door and went to park the car, since it was raining. When the nurse called us in the room to get his IV started and prepped for his LP, he appeared quite scared, until he asked me to take him to the bathroom. The door to the bathroom closed and he immediately started crying. He was upset that they would take him to the surgical room before Ryan got inside. He was definitely scared that day. It had been a while since he had been at the hospital for treatment, and as weird as it seems to say, without going to the hospital for treatment, life became a little more like it was before his diagnosis. LP’s and Bone Marrow biopsies are one of his least favourite things, and this day he needed to have an LP. My Mom kept Joren for the day, so we were able to devote our entire selves to Keian - we both hold his hand every second of it. Even though he’s very out of it, he smiles adoringly every so often and whispers “I love you”. I honestly think he is one of the few 5 year olds that are willing to show their love as freely as Keian does – we are so lucky.

His appetite is still touch and go. He’s a big, tall boy – even now with the weight loss, but it’s definitely a noticeable change. This phase is aimed at being a little easier – being that we will be going twice a week every 10 days for the duration of this 2 month phase. This is definitely an extremely risky phase for him though, as he receives IV and IT Methotrexate, which is the drug that caused his original Neurology symptoms. Speaking of which, we got the results back from the repeat MRI – not the best news. The damage (bright white areas that show on the MRI) has still remained. They had hoped it would have retreated now that his symptoms have subsided. Apparently, it could be one of 3 things: Methotrexate induced neurotoxicity (which basically means that he is extra sensitive to the drug and it causes damage to his brain, which results in neuro symptoms – last time it was slow, slurred speech and ataxia). So, if this were the case, at any given time these symptoms could return, he could get increased symptoms and they could worsen over time or even be permanent. The problem with this is that there really is no choice on whether he gets this drug or not – it’s one of the best cancer drugs to keep it from returning to his brain. The 2nd possibility was that he was born with it – which they think is unlikely. The 3rd possibility is that he has a storage disorder, which basically means that his body is unable to process lipids and figure out where to store it. It will then build up in organs, including the brain. This can cause something as simple as an enzyme deficiency or something as major as serious brain damage. So, as you can see, it’s not the best news. They tell us that it isn’t very common to see these reactions to Methotrexate, but they do happen. They took a blood test when we were there last week, which will tell us whether he has the storage disorder and if those results come back negative, we just have to watch for any additional neurotoxicity. He got his first IV dose last week, on top of the IM, and so far so good! We think positive thoughts<3

Onto exciting things! Keian went to Kindergarten for the first time on Wednesday! He was soooooo excited, it was unbelievable. I figured I was going to be emotional when he started kindergarten before he was even diagnosed, but it was different this time. Very rarely has Keian been away from us since July. To be with his Grandparents or close friends of ours is about it. With the way he feels at times and his unexpected bouts of nausea and vomiting make me queasy thinking that I may not be there when it’s happening. The hospital had suggested at the time of his diagnosis that we home school him for kindergarten, as he would be missing so much school. Ryan and I felt that it would be best to enrol him in a directed learning school, where he could at least join with the other kids once a week and then we could teach him at home the remaining time. We dropped him off at 9 am and had planned on checking on him at lunch hour, but we received a phone call at 11 am from his teacher asking us to come as Keian wasn’t feeling well. I think it might have been him being slightly overwhelmed. He finished preschool 5 months ago, and has been through an awful lot this summer. We are SO extremely proud of him for trying! In the words of Keian – “school was awesome!” He told us about how one of the boys asked him to play lego with him – he was so happy about that! He even got to go outside to play with the other kids. He says he wants to go back, so next Wednesday, we try again, and maybe he’ll feel comfortable enough to stay a little longer. Either way, I honestly don’t think I could feel more pride – this boy literally lights my entire life!!!

The countdown is on! 15 days until we decorate our tree for our favourite time of year! This year, it means more to us than ever before. We may not have a lot of money, but we have more love than ever and that's what fills our hearts with the magical Christmas spirit. We're already one of those crazy families that drive around screaming Christmas songs in the car. With Christmas around the corner, out comes our yearly tradition of the Stanley Park bright nights train - Bring on the Christmas cheer!

I'll end this entry with a couple pictures of Keian, on his first Christmas<3

~Chantal

Days gone by...

It's been nearly a month since we've updated the blog - it's been a tough month for our family.

On October 7th, we lost a beautiful woman, after a courageous battle to cancer - Ryan's Mother, Bonnie-Lynn Blundell. She will always remain in our hearts and we know she will watch over us and provide us strength to fight with Keian<3<3<3 Perhaps she selflessly gave up her fight, to surround Keian with her strength. I thank her for the gift of her incredible son, that she raised with such a powerful sense of family values - without him, we would not be Team Keian.

Keian's treatment has been pretty quiet this month - we barely got back on chemo for 2 weeks, before his blood counts crashed again. This time, the worst they've been. We're now on week 2 of being homebound. No matter how hard we feel it is at times constantly repeating day after day, it's so incredibly difficult watching a little 5 year old not being able to go to play with friends, or go to school - he's missing so much of just being a kid.

We did have a follow up appointment with Keian's Neurologist on Tuesday - we were able to finally get a glimpse of his MRI from when he was admitted for neurotoxicity back in September. Though Keian's symptoms have since subsided, there is a very strong chance he will have additional symptoms once he is back on the methotrexate. He will be getting a repeat MRI on Tuesday to form a baseline and show starting point. They would also like to compare to see if he has permanent scarring. This is one of the scariest things, aside from the original diagnosis. The methotrexate is one of the best drugs to treat Leukemia, but is one that is known for causing neurological deficits. Keian has increased sensitivity to this drug, and therefore we made the right decision to take him off the study and not subject him to the high dose.

Keian's appetite has depleted even more. We were told by his Dietician to offer him high fat meals, so that he would have some calorie intake. Despite our consistent offerings, he will either refuse or try to eat, which is usually followed by a bout of nausea and vomiting. Since being weighed last week, he has lost 4 lbs. 4 lbs may not seem like alot for you and I, but to a little boy that is fighting leukemia, every ounce makes a difference. He's needed more ondansetron this last couple of weeks, which helps to keep the nausea at a manageable level. Quite honestly, I'm extremely surprised at his energy levels considering his lack of nourishment. It's the little things now - seeing him jump up and down while playing Wii, makes me beam for the rest of the day.

Now that we have that all out of the way, we have a couple amazing things to share!

When at Keian's Neurologist appointment, we ran into his Oncologist - she had just gotten the results back from our blood tests the previous week. Ryan, Joren and I had our blood drawn to check to see if we would be a match for Keian's bone marrow. It was a very slim chance that Ryan and I would be and there was only a 25% chance that Joren would be a match. Well, that 25% chance became our reality! Joren is a perfect bone marrow match! As of right now, this is just information. We are positive with his results, so far, towards treatment and are still keeping the hope that he will not require a transplant. But, if it's ever needed, his little brother will be able to give him the biggest gift of all.

Over the weekend, one of our bestest friends, who happens to be an incredible photographer came for her weekly visit <3 This time, she came bearing her camera. She captured some pretty special moments for us. One of her good friends custom made a Kaptain Lasers costume just for Keian. Let me tell you this...the pictures do not do it justice. Keian just beamed from ear to ear the second he saw it flash in front of his eyes. This truly completes Team Keian.

To those of you that have showed remarkeable support over these last few months - we couldn't be as strong as we are right now without you. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts - for your countless messages of encouragement, meals, hugs and un-ending friendships that grow with every word. We love you all so very much<3

Back to life, back to reality

We are now almost two weeks into our regularly scheduled visits and I’m impressed by how easily we have gotten into the swing of things. When we first came back to the hospital, it was recommended to us that he be taken off of the study and administered the standard treatment. In fact, it was even the Study Chair that recommended it. Here’s where we became concerned. The study involved a higher dose of Methotrexate, which is said to potentially decrease the risk of a relapse. The down side is what we saw a couple of months prior – Methotrexate induced neuro-toxicity. We saw a slowed, slurred speech in Keian, as well as involuntary movements in his limbs. Their concern is that, due to his visible sensitivity to the drug, the side effects stood a good chance of becoming worse or even permanent. They also had the option of offering a “rescue” drug, which essentially pushes the Methotrexate out of his system quicker, therefore decreasing the chance of toxicity – problem being is that they aren’t certain that it only rescues the body from drug. There’s a possibility that it may rescue the Leukemia cells, as well. The decision was ultimately ours, but how do you choose?

We decided to look at it based on quality of life. The chances of a relapse were still relatively low on the standard treatment, and the chance of side effects were reduced as well. He will still receive the Methotrexate, but at a lower dose than if he would remain on study. We believe that Keian will continue to be the strong boy that we know he is. He has been looking great throughout the treatment, had very few periods or fatigue and a handful of moments of sickness. His response has also been great so far - being a rapid early responder and being officially in remission, as planned. We want to give him the best fighting chance, without affecting how he enjoys life.

~Ryan

We haven’t had a lot of time for things, but this past weekend, Ryan and I were able to get out to enjoy ourselves a little. Ryan went off for a boys night and played Beer Pong and I went out for a girls day and got a pedicure. I think it’s important for us to get out sometimes together, and separately, especially with the stressors we face weekly. Our marriage is stronger than ever – we pull from eachothers strength and fall in eachothers arms when we need to!

We’re nearing the end of the 2nd week of chemo treatment after the nearly 3 weeks of being at home. With that, comes low numbers again. We’ll be having a quiet Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. Though at times it may seem we don’t have much to be thankful for during this all, we definitely do. We have a beautiful little 4 month old that is happy and giggly and growing into a “little” Ryan. We have an absolutely amazingly tough, brave little 5 year old that has shown us how to appreciate every single day, every single second. Ryan and I are not only strong as a man and wife, but as a family.

I love knowing that we can still have fun and make life as fun as we can for Keian – he would have loved seeing his Daddy robot dance tonight, haha. We can all still make eachother laugh – we’ve got that, we’ve got eachother, we’ve got everything. So much to be thankful for <3

Wishing all of our wonderful friends and family a Happy Thanksgiving! May you always be thankful for what you’re given! Love to each and every one of you!

~Chantal

You never know how many apples are in a seed...

It's been a while since I updated this post - seems quite funny since you'd think I would have had a ton of time, as we've been stuck at home this last 2 weeks. Keian hasn't been able to continue chemo for 3 weeks as his ANC count was below critical. It seemed they started their downhill slide about 4 weeks ago, with the week before last being the lowest yet, with a number of .2 - critical is considered .5. So, we've been pretty much under house arrest this last 2 weeks, avoiding everyone to protect Keian from any external infections. For the last 3 Mondays, we've gone to the lab to check his counts and every time we are given the results, we'd be left disappointed. This is definately not the time to have to stop chemo so early into his treatment, but they are unable to during the time that he is neutropenic.

We usually get the test results by late afternoon, but I was too anxious to wait and called on our way out of the orchard. AMAZING news!! His numbers were finally up! And to almost double what was required, sitting at 1.2 ANC. This was amazing news for a couple reasons - the more time he is not able to receive treatment, the more chance of relapse during this time and also that we won't be stuck in hermit-ville. Perfect timing for the gorgeous fall weather! Keian asked me last week if we could go to Bear Creek Park, so I think this week we will definately have to pack a picnic and head out!

Tomorrow now brings on a new week of treatment - we'll be back at Children's everyday this week. I expect Keian might be a little nervous when he wakes up, as he's been mentioning the fact that he needs an LP tomorrow quite a few times today. So far, he's been quite easily reasurred that we'll always be there holding his hand when he's there, and he's young enough that's actually enough. He's definately a boy that's easy to love! I'm actually quite nervous myself though about what this week shall bring after being off treatment for 3 weeks and then pumping all the drugs back into his system. When you're the parent of a sick child, no matter what sickness, you're prepared for anything - Mattress protectors, sick buckets, garbage cans and cloth and wipes beside their bed. We now have a rubbermaid tote in our trunk that holds extra clothes, wipes, blanket, sick supplies and water.

Now, onto the good stuff...

I promised Keian that no matter what the results were to be today, that we'd go apple picking at the orchard out in Abbotsford, as I knew that being outside in that setting, it would be easy to avoid others. What a perfect day to go apple picking. We decided to get 2 huge bags of Fuji apples, so that we can make homemade chunky apple sauce - perfect healthy nutrition for my boy! We made our way through the orchard and then headed over to the store to buy some fresh apple cider....best EVER! Keian drank atleast a cup of it on the way home! His first request? "Can we make some caramel apples?" Just the fact that he asked made me happy considering what his appetite has been like the last few weeks.

It makes me so happy to see that no matter what Keian and my family are going through, that we are stronger than ever, as our bond is growing stronger everyday. We'll always take care of eachother <3

~Chantal

We'll take the sunshine, but not the 'heat' that comes with it

This has been a rough week all around. Keian's appetite has been going downhill all week and then on Thursday, he pretty much refused everything. His diet for the last 3 days wouldn't even fill a cup. He has been constantly complaining of a headache today and that he has no appetite. He won't even eat his once favourite foods. His liquid intake has been far less than substantial and since Thursday night, he has vomited 13 times. I can't even get him to keep Ondanse down, as the second it hits his tongue, he throws up. He has started to need naps during the day again - he is sleeping as I write this. He looks basically unwell - no other way to describe it really. I just got off the phone with the Oncologist and she wants me to watch him for a few more hours, and if things don't seem to improve, I will likely be driving out to Children's to get him admitted for IV.

We are booked in for chemo every day next week, but it is number dependant. 6:30 a.m. on Monday morning I will be sitting at the lab to get his bloodwork done.

I am stressed. It's honestly so hard to juggle a young baby, who requires alot of attention at this age, with a sick 5 year old having to go through this. I don't show worry around Keian, as I know it makes things worse for him, so I don't make much of a deal when I'm sitting with him and holding him and a bucket when he's getting sick.

Today is just one of those days I suppose I should expect. No matter what, he handles everything so well and tries to be so strong. Even when he's feeling as crappy as he is, he still has concern for others. Today, when Joren was fussing, he wanted to hold him. As he did, he kept cuddling into him and bringing his face close to his and repeated "It's ok, it's ok, Joren", while he kissed him on the forehead. He is literally the light of my life.

Earlier in the week, we finally switched his bed to the 'loft' style he wanted - he was feeling pretty yucky, but still wanted to show his baby brother what it's like to be up high!

Onto gearing myself up for a long night. ~Chantal

Couch potatoes

Wednesday was a long day at the hospital. After the results came back from the lab, it was discovered that Keian's numbers were very low and that he would require a blood transfusion. Though he has required a platelet and plasma transfusion through his diagnosis, this was the first time he needed a full blood transfusion. Admittedly, it was a weird feeling for me. The most concerning for the nurses and doctors is to raise the hemoglobin, but Keian is also neutropenic, which means that his neutrophils, which are mostly responsible for his immune response, are very low. We've been told to stay away from public places until we go back on Tuesday to get his bloodwork checked again. During the time that Keian is neutropenic, he is at high risk for infection, including infection within his own body. Although we do have numerous bottles of Purell around the house, one of which is by the door so visitors can sanitize before entering, we will limit visitors during this time. He also needed to get Asparaginase via IM - this has a chance of anaphylactic shock, so he needed to be monitored for 3 hours after. They won't transfuse blood during this time, as they both have a chance of allergic reaction.

He was really scared to go to the hospital to get his LP - he cried a few times that morning. He told us that last time he had an LP that he remembers and that he could feel it and it hurt. They assured us that with the sedation they give him that he wouldn't. When we talked to the doctor, she told us that because Keian was doing so well with acceptance of the sedation, that she cut back on the amount. She assured us that she would increase the dose again for this and future procedures. This time went beautifully - soon after he was off in lala land and he didn't feel a thing. I definately had to call attention to Dr. Lucy - she cares so much for the kids...the entire time that we were in the procedure room, she sat at the head of the bed and gently rubbed Keian's head and cheek and talked to him in such a reasurring way. Things like this make such a difference, not only for the kids, but for the parents. It makes us feel like our kids are not only getting the best medical care, but also to make them feel assured and cared for in a personal way vs. a textbook case.

The day was filled with ALOT of video games! Keian and Joren both have a cough, and therefore, we were confined to a clinic room for the day and weren't allowed into the huge playroom.

Keian getting his blood transfusion

Hospital food is definately not enjoyed, so as Keian was stable, one of us was able to leave to go get lunch. Keian's request: Subway. I love that about him. Given a choice between any fast food item, pizza or anything considered junk food, he would choose Subway. Mind you, his sandwiches aren't exactly the healthy that you and I might get, getting lunchmeat and bread with tomatoes and cucumbers on the side make me feel alot better than filling him with greasy hamburgers.

I may not love the way our life is right now. I may not love what Keian needs to fight. But, I sure as heck love my boys!

~Chantal

Thank you

Thank you... These two words can no where near express the amount of love and gratitude that we feel for those of you who selflessly support us in so many ways. It's so heart-warming to know that we are thought of by so many people, some of whom we haven't had the pleasure of meeting.

At only 5 years old, Keian has touched the lives of so many. He has taught us this last 7 weeks to strive to live each day to the fullest and to never take a minute for granted. Our strength will continue to carry him, as your strength will continue to carry us. As Keian grows into a man, he will come to realize that the world is a wonderful place if people continue to unconditionally give their light and love.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. That strength may come from within, but also from others around us. For that, we thank you.

To our best friend, Megan - You have proven that family is not always about genetics or legal binds. Your compassion and commitment you have shown to our family is beyond anything we could have dreamed. On a daily basis, you remind us the importance of love and laughter and to always keep our focus where it needs to lie. We are so overwhelmed by your love and kindness and you will forever be engrained in our hearts. Thank you for making our days just a little bit brighter<3

To my parents and our amazing friends and family - Your support not only strengthens us during the time we need it most, but also strengthens the bond we have with each other. For those who have given so much of themselves, we will never forget. We love you all for helping us to grow to be the parents we are today!

To our incredible little boy, Keian - this is our wish for you...

Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth and love to complete your life.

We love you more than anything<3

Lions roar...Part 2 of 2

Today was an early, early day - up at 4:45 a.m. to pack for the hospital on treatment day. I would have never realized how long it takes to get a family of 4 up, fed and ready for the trek out the door by 6:30. Joren has been wonderful this last couple of nights, sleeping for close to 6 hours without waking up! With the lack of relaxation lately, it's well needed. Wait...relaxation? What's that? Dinner should learn to make itself - it really should. It's quite the feat to try to keep up with making sure the family is fed with healthy, hearty home-made foods when we're rarely home. I need a cook.

They decided today at his treatment to skip his Lumbar Puncture, as they need to allow his body to return to base-line once his current symptoms from last week subside. So far, his blood work is coming back pretty stable - crash is expected to happen on day 7-10 of Consolidation - today is day 7. We go back tomorrow and Thursday for more Chemo and then on Friday, they will re-run his bloodwork. They are anticipating that he will need more transfusions. They are also warning us that we will need to stay away from public places for at least a week during this time, as his immunity will be wiped out.

Today, on the way home from treatment, Keian's Grandpa had arranged one last stop. BC Lions were practicing today and they wanted Keian to come out and see what they do. After meeting Wally Buono and Mike Benevides, he was invited to head out into the field and break the huddle! How awesome is that! Keian is definitely a shy boy and being surrounded by that many big football players can feel slightly intimidating, but the guys on the team made him feel like he was the biggest man there. After breaking the huddle, he was lifted on top of their shoulders for a cheer. He came off the field beaming with a smile and a memory he will likely never forget! What a great day!

Words cannot express how heart warming it is for us to see all these kind, wonderful gestures that have been shown towards Keian and our family during this time.

Keian, you so freely give your love and show your light and it will be returned every day. We love you and will continue to fight the fight right along with you and on days where you cannot fight, we will carry you.

~Chantal

Lions roar...Part 1 of 2

This weekend was a busy weekend for our little man. One of those things keeping him busy was a man-date, with his Daddy, to the BC Lions game on Sunday! This was Keian's first time to a Football game, though he has been interested for a while now - of course it doesn't hurt the fact that his Grandpa played for the BC Lions, back when he was a young guy himself.

They had awesome seats, thanks to the Reebok team - A couple of months ago, Ryan won a contest on Twitter, which included 2 tickets to this game! They were only 8 rows up! A couple of hot dogs and ice creams later, the game began - so happy they won on the first game he got to see live!

As they walked out of the stadium, he turned to Ryan and said: "When I grow up, I want to play for the BC Lions!". The possibilities are endless, my boy.

Falling from cloud 9

This has been a long week. I wish I could say it was un-eventful. On Tuesday, Keian went into the Oncology clinic for the day to mark the start of his Phase 2 Chemo (Consolidation). As always, he was the bravest of brave - the day began in the Procedure room, where he was sedated for his Lumbar Puncture and IT Methotrexate injection into his spinal fluid.

Throughout the day, we noticed some changes in Keian. I told his Nurse numerous times that something was "different" about him. His speech was very slow and shaky. He was having tremors and ataxic movements in his arms, legs and head. I described it as a bobble head appearance. They would watch him and say that everything "appeared" normal. At 4 pm, we left the hospital and I rode in the back of the truck with Keian. Almost immediately, I realized there was a remarkeable increase in these symptoms. I called our Clinical Nurse and described the differences - she suggested that over the next 30 minutes we watch him to see what happens and then to call her back. By the time we made the treck home from Vancouver, we were feeling very uncomfortable with what we were seeing. It wasn't our Keian. Another call into the hospital, but this time to the Oncologist on-call. She wanted us to bring Keian into the ER at Children's. Once we were admitted to the exam room and the Oncologist performed a neuro exam, she said she didn't feel comfortable sending us home and she wanted to admit him.

We were admitted that night and he was on close watch - being woken up every 90 minutes for the nurses to do a full exam of his state. They chose to contact Neurology, who then came to conduct their Neuro exam. There were 2 Neurologists. After spending at least 60 minutes to complete a thorough exam, they told us that all the findings were "normal". They continued to attribute the tremors can be caused by some of the chemo meds, but that his apparent slow, shaky speech was because he was shy. Wow. Our boy is definitely shy, but NEVER around his parents. The findings may be normal for other children, but it was NOT normal for our Keian. I asked what we were going to do, since their "findings" were apparently normal. I felt like I was being looked at like I was an overprotective mother who was off her rocker. She loosely made reference to a possible MRI, but that given Keian's age, he would need to be put under General, so that he would stay perfectly still. We assured her that we want the MRI done, but that we did not feel he needed to be put under. I almost got the impression that she was trying to talk me out of demanding the MRI, by making me feel I was wrong for subjecting my son to another bout of General.

The next day, he was taken for the MRI, with no General I might add (they didn't even have to tell him once to stay still). I really believe that he handles these things better than we ever could. I also believe that the attitude and positivity that we exude helps him to be as strong as he is. That is my goal - to make this whole journey as positive and comfortable for him as we possibly can. He deserves that from us.

After spending 4 days in the hospital this week, we finally got the MRI results. I urge all parents reading this to always trust your gut when it comes to your kids. You are their best advocate. After being told that the findings were all normal, even though his symptoms persist even to this minute, the findings on the MRI were hard to argue. There were mild changes noted, as well as inflammation in his brain. They assure us that since it was caught early and the symptoms were considered mild, in their opinion, it would be temporary. The symptoms will persist for some time, but will eventually diminish. Keian's diagnosis - Methotrexate induced neurotoxicity. They will need to remove the IT Methotrexate from his protocol and replace with another drug that can be just as effective at eradicating any remaining leukemia cells that remain in his CNS. We will continue to focus and stay wide awake.

I've always strived to be kind hearted, but Keian makes me strive harder. I feel I need to make a difference...and I will.

You encourage me to be the Mother you are so incredibly deserving of my beautiful boy. You, "Joreo" and your Daddy are the best boys I could ever ask for - I am so lucky <3